When RK characters get drunk
by Anaii
Summary: What happens when everyone gets drunk? yes...i haven't updated in almost 2 years...but trust me...i will soon!
1. Kenshin

Disclaimer: I don't own rk...heck! I don't even own the shirt I'm wearing now!  
  
Chapter 1: Kenshin  
  
It was early morning, and Kenshin...as always...was doing his dear laundry.  
  
Kenshin: *thinking* laundry, laundry, laundry...wait...what the hell am I doing...I'm the Battousai for Kami's sake!!! I don't got to be this woman's lackey...that whore Kaoru can go to hell for all I care!!!...Oro? Sessha has got to stop paying so much attention to Battousai, sessha is getting to think too much like him.oh well, back to washing Kaoru-dono's underwear!  
  
Sano, who just walked in: Hey Kenshin, wanna join me in a drinking contest, Jou-chan already said it was ok, after all, you do need a day off!  
  
Kenshin: Oro? Sano! You know sessha doesn't drink! Besides, what kind of example would we set for Yahiko?  
  
Sano: Don't worry about it, Yahiko and I had a talk, I already explained to him the proper behavior for a boy his age.  
  
*Sano gets flashback*  
  
Yahiko is being beaten by Kaoru's bokken, while Sano's leaning against the door chewing on his fishbone.  
  
Sano: Yo! Yahiko! Look, Kenshin and I are having a drinking contest, now, if you don't wanna get in trouble, don't bet more than 2000 yen...got it, punk?  
  
Yahiko, who barely had enough time to reply: ok...Kaoru, I can't breathe...  
  
Kaoru who was strangling poor Yahiko: Can I bet too?  
  
Sano: Sure, what the heck...  
  
*back to the present*  
  
Kenshin and Sano are standing in front of a table that's holding several bottles of sake while Kaoru and Yahiko are betting.  
  
Sano: OK, here are the rules, drink until you can drink no more!  
  
Kaoru: Right! On your mark, get set...GO!  
  
After several bottles of sake, Kenshin seemed to have passed out.  
  
Sano: Jou-chan.Kenshin wasn't kidding...he CAN'T drink.  
  
Kaoru: Well, at least I won the bet! Now Yahiko has to clean up the dojo for three years since he's got no money to pay me back!  
  
Sulking Yahiko: Don't rub it in, Busu.  
  
Kaoru, whose bokken appears out of nowhere: What did you call me?  
  
Before Yahiko could say something else that would make the real fight start, Sano sees that Kenshin's gone, and after he tells them...a honking sound is heard. Suddenly, Kenshin appears out of nowhere using his gi as a bandanna and running around the yard.  
  
Everyone (but Kenshin): O.o  
  
Kenshin: honk, honk, honk!  
  
Everyone: O_____O  
  
Kenshin: Mary had a little lamb...!  
  
Everyone: O______________________________________________________O  
  
Kenshin, who stopped running around and was standing in front of them like an idiot: Sessha thinks Sano's hair defies all the laws of physics!  
  
Sano: *sweat drop*  
  
Kenshin who went back to running around: Sessha is a GIRL! Sessha is a GIRL! Sessha is a GIRL!  
  
Everyone: @____________@  
  
Kenshin: Sessha also thinks sessha is prettier than Kaoru-dono!  
  
At this point, Kaoru is chasing Kenshin around the dojo with her bokken, when she catches up to him, she hits him so hard he's in a hole ten feet deep.  
  
*********************in a hole at the dojo's backyard, sometime during the night****************  
  
Kenshin: Anyone! Anyone! Help! Can someone tell sessha how sessha got inside a hole!  
  
*********************inside the dojo*************************  
  
Yahiko: Kaoru? Shouldn't we get Kenshin out of the hole, I think it'll snow tonight.  
  
Kaoru: Nah! Kenshin can handle one night outside, we'll get him in the morning...maybe.  
  
Japanese Terms: Kaoru-dono: Ms. Kaoru Jou-chan: little missy (Sano's nickname for Kaoru) Sessha: this dishonorable one (what Kenshin calls himself) Busu: ugly  
  
Author's note: This is my first fic, and I know it's bad.I'll change some things later, or maybe I'll just take it down and write one that's completely different, unless I get positive feedback.which I doubt.Anywayzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.please r & r. 


	2. Sano and Megumi

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I love you all * sniffs *. Well, this was just going to be a one-shot, but....I was bored so, I'm making it a series.  
  
Disclaimer: I STILL don't own Rurouni Kenshin!!!!! ...but, please keep in mind that SOMEDAY I will!!!!! *crazed laugh*  
  
Chapter 2: Sano and Megumi  
  
Megumi: So...* laughs * so...* laughs * he was DRUNK!!!!!!!  
  
Kaoru: Yep!!!!! Kenshin was drunk...but I don't see what's so funny *cries hysterically* HE SAID HE WAS PRETTIER THAN MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! WAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  
  
Megumi: * thinking* what a nutcase! * out loud *well, Kaoru, I have to go...do...er... something... *leaves*  
  
Kaoru: * suddenly looks surprisingly happy and perky* OH YAHIKO! ^_^  
  
Yahiko: huh?  
  
Kaoru: did you forget our bet????...WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, GET CLEANING!!!!!  
  
************************Megumi.. **********************  
  
Megumi: * humming some song to herself and thinking * Life has been so good since Sano admitted he loved me * dreamy sigh *  
  
Sano: * walking behind her * thinking * I wonder what the kitsune-onna is doing here????? * sees her walking into the clinic and feels suddenly stupid * OK, so I forgot she worked here!!!! So what?!?!  
  
Megumi: * sees Sano with a stupid look on his face and wonders why he's there * *she runs outside * Sano!!! What the hell are you doing here?!?!  
  
Sano: um...um...* thinking * come one Sano, think fast!!!!!!! ...* out loud* I wanted to see if you wanted a drink!!! (A/N: and he said all of this in one breath).  
  
Megumi: * sweat drop * um...sure, ok then.  
  
Sano: good...let's go to my place!!!!!!!!  
  
************************Sano's "place" *****************************  
  
Sano: * drunk* so, Megumi...want more sake?  
  
Megumi: *drunk * *hic *  
  
Sano: um...I'll take that as a yes.  
  
Sano tries to pour some sake into her cup, but somehow winds up throwing it at his face. Megumi laughs.  
  
Sano: it's NOT funny...*hic* it was oddly refreshing actually...  
  
Megumi: * stopped laughing and has a bored look on her face * whatever... Just give me some sake already!!  
  
Sano: fine...  
  
Sano tries to pour it into her cup, AGAIN, and he misses, AGAIN, and the sake goes down Megumi's bra.  
  
Megumi: um...SANO you HENTAI!!!!!!  
  
Sano, who at this point was trying to get the sake back (A/N: this means that he was trying to get Megumi's kimono off, and wring it out into the cup, but, of course, he didn't get farther than barely brushing past her obi...)  
  
SLAP!!!!  
  
Megumi: I'm getting out of here, I'm going somewhere far away from you, where I can get drunk in peace surrounded by nice sober waitresses that wont spill my precious sake!!!!!!...* suddenly calm * see ya later love.  
  
Sano: yeah...*sleepy*...whatever.  
  
Megumi leaves (taking the sake, of course), five days pass, and Sano (who's sober now) finally realizes something while he's at the dojo...  
  
Sano: wait a minute!!! That's MY sake!!!!!  
  
Kenshing: * who was near Sano when he said this, and now has a HUGE sweat drop on his face...and of course, his swirly eyes * ORO? @____________@  
  
END  
  
A/N: Get it???? Huh? Get it??? OK, yeah, I know, not funny...I just wanted to write something about Sano and Megumi being drunk, in my opinion, this chapter sucks, but I can't think of anything else at the moment...so, here it is...please r & r. (By the way, I am aware that they didn't have bras during the Meiji, they had those weird bandage thingies they bound around, but I didn't feel like going into an explanation...so I just wrote bra)  
  
Japanese: kitsune-onna: fox lady hentai: pervert (oh, and obi is the thing they use to tie the kimono). 


	3. Aoshi

Author's Note: OK, this chapter is about Aoshi getting drunk, next will be Kaoru. I was actually thinking about putting Kaoru on this one but I already had the Aoshi idea.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own rk, or anything else in this story except...the story.  
  
Chapter 3: Aoshi  
  
***********************in Kyoto. Temple********************  
  
Aoshi: * thinking * I wonder where Misao is with my tea...  
  
***********************Aoya*********************  
  
Misao: * evil laughter * Omasu, are you sure this is gonna work.  
  
Omasu: Of course it will, Aoshi-sama won't know what hit him.  
  
Misao: ok... but, I still think Aoshi-sama won't get drunk. I mean, he can take sake right? We're just spiking his tea, so, it's not even pure sake.  
  
Omasu: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight Misao. * thinking * I guess she doesn't remember what happened the last time he got drunk...oh...then this will be most interesting, too bad I won't get to see it.  
  
Okon and Okina who had been silently spying on them chuckled lightly, and left to go buy groceries. There was no way in hell they were gonna get in the middle of this!  
  
*************************Temple************************  
  
Misao, standing by the door: Hello Aoshi-sama! I brought you your tea!  
  
Aoshi: Arigato Misao.  
  
Misao sat down in front of Aoshi and started preparing tea. Aoshi took the tea, thanked Misao, and then...  
  
Aoshi: tastes...different.  
  
Misao: It's a special blend...like it?  
  
Asohi, takes another sip, and winds up draining the cup: It's...interesting.  
  
Misao: * thinking * I knew he wouldn't get drunk, it was only a little sake...nothing can faze my Aoshi-sama! I mean, he IS the le-  
  
Aoshi: * unknowingly interrupting Misao's thoughts* * looks dopey and a little psycho * * stands up and starts singing * BORN FREEEEEEEEEEEEE, AS FREEEEE AS THE WIND BLOWS...  
  
Misao: *cringes at Aoshi's loud voice and the fact that he got drunk * Oops?  
  
Aoshi: OH, MISAO MY LOVE!!! Will you marry me my darling.  
  
Misao: * huge sweat drop * * mutters* at least he said he loves me...  
  
Aoshi: CHICKEN WING...* starts doing the chicken dance*  
  
Misao: O.o  
  
Aoshi: * takes her hand * OH, my dear Lady Cheese, please come hither, and help me suck the marshmallows! * jumps out the second floor window and lands in a bush *  
  
Misao: O____________________O *rushes over to window * Are you ok Aoshi- sama?  
  
Asoh: *is upside-down* DONKEYS!!!!!!!  
  
Misao: O.O uh...ok then... see ya later. *leaves humming happily to herself *  
  
Japanese words: Arigato: thanks Aoshi-sama: Lord Aoshi.  
  
Author's note: omg! That was...THE WORST CRAP I HAVE EVER WRITTEN!!!! I disgust myself!! This story isn't going the way I planned, but, if you made it through this horrendous torture, please r & r. (Next chapter: Aoshi's revenge!) 


	4. Aoshi's Revenge: Misao

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Rurouni Kenshin...if I did, the sky would fall, the schools might close forever, we'll breathe in the moon, trees will walk, and those chocolates they sell in hotel rooms won't be overprized.  
  
Author's Note: Sorry for not updating in a long while. I've been in a bad mood, and I couldn't get into My Documents, where this was saved.  
  
Warning: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!  
  
Chapter 4: Aoshi's Revenge: Misao  
  
Ok, here's the deal. * battle themed heroic song starts playing in the background * (you know, like the one they put in the first episode when Kaoru tells the story of Battousai or whenever Kenshin gets in rambling- about-protecting-life-and-all-that-crap-mode) Misao got Aoshi drunk by spiking his tea, and now, because of it, he turned into an alcoholic psycho wanting revenge. Please read as Aoshi, accompanied by his trusty sake bottle carry out his 2-step-plan:  
  
***************** In the Temple*******************  
  
Aoshi * talking to his sake bottle *: I have it all planned out * maniacal laughter* I will get Misao drunk (step 1) and I shall make her wear...A CHICKEN SUIT!!!!!!! (step 2)  
  
Sake bottle: *-*  
  
Aoshi: I'm so glad you agree with me!  
  
SB: *-*  
  
Aoshi: Tomorrow, we shall go on with our plans * takes swig from SB*, but tonight, we sleep. *falls asleep clutching SB and sucking his thumb. *  
  
*****************Next morning. In the Aoiya**********  
  
Aoshi and SB are wearing Enishi typed glasses. They're behind the shoji, watching as Misao eats her spiked soup, and doesn't seem to notice the incredibly alcoholic taste. (A/N: Please keep in my, the "soup" is just a big bowl of sake with a chicken in it.)  
  
Aoshi : AAAAAAAWWWWWW...it didn't work, she drank it all, but she seems fin-  
  
As Aoshi was about to finish his sentence, Misao's head comes down onto the bowl.  
  
Misao: *snoring *  
  
SB: *-*  
  
Aoshi: COOOOOOOOOOL ^_^  
  
*********************20 minutes later*********************  
  
The whole Oniwabanshuu (sp?) are seated before a stage. Aoshi comes forth, he's dressed in a suit, and SB is magically "seated" on his shoulder. He's holding cue cards.  
  
Aoshi: Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you Misao dressed as a * goes to the next cue card* chicken. Oniwabanshuu crowd: YAY!!!  
  
The curtains open to reveal a still sleeping Misao dressed as a chicken and seating on a chair.  
  
OC: OOOH...AAAAH  
  
Aoshi walks back onto the stage, wakes Misao up, and slinks into the shadows.  
  
Newly awakened...and drunk Misao: I'm dressed as a chicken...then that must mean...I'M A CHICKEN!!!!!!  
  
OC: *cheers*  
  
Aoshi: REVENGE!!!! REEEEEEEEEEEVENGE!!!! *laughs in a maniacal manner *  
  
Misao: * making chicken noises* I think I'm laying an egg *actually lays an egg *  
  
OC: ^_^ COOOOOOOOOL.  
  
Misao: * starts pecking at SB*  
  
Aoshi: NOOOOO GET AWAY YOU FIEND...GET AWAY FROM MY PRECIOUS SAKE BOTTLE...I NEEEEEEEEED IT!!!!  
  
OC: wait a second * understanding dawns on them*  
  
After finding out from that little display that Aoshi was an alcoholic, Shiro sneaks behind Aoshi, raises a shinai over his head, and knocks him out. Kuro does the same with Misao. (A/N: The Oniwabanshuu already knew she was drunk, but Kuro just felt like knocking her out) Okon and Omasu drag Misao to her room, while Shiro and Kuro, followed by Okina, carried Aoshi to his room.  
  
********************2 months later******************  
  
After Aoshi has gotten over his alcoholism (A/N: and after Misao promises to never give him any alcohol for as long as she lives), he forgets his plans for revenge. He actually told Misao he loved her, and they are presently going "steady." Everything is happy at the Aoiya, and everyone is living in peace...only one question remains unanswered...  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE SAKE BOTTLE?  
  
Author's Notes: well, this sucked, just like everything else I've written. Please r&r before I have to resort to other ways of getting you people (or at least I hope you're people) to review *looks threatening *  
  
Japanese terms: Shinai: wooden sword.  
  
Challenge: I think it's ok if I post a challenge at the end of a fic, so, here it goes: I want someone to write a story based on the month the Kenshin-gumi spend in Kyoto (after the Kyoto arc). It doesn't have to be just KK, it could also be AM, or SM, but, traditional parings MUST apply (in case you don't know what I mean: Kaoru/Kenshin; Aoshi/Misao; Sano/Megumi). ^_^ I just love Kyoto arc stories!!!! * Hugs the handful of people who MIGHT consider doing the challenge. * 


End file.
